Publications & Public Education Materials

Coaching Boys Into Men Brochure Text Version (pdf)

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COACHING BOYS INTO MEN

Your Role in Ending Violence Against Women

COACHING BOYS INTO MEN

Now more than ever, the boys in your life need your time and energy. Your son, grandson, nephew, younger brother – the boys you teach and coach – rely on you to grow into healthy young men.

Boys need advice, especially on how to behave toward girls. They are watching how you treat women. Help them learn that men don’t hurt women, that violence does not equal strength, and that there is honor in taking a stand for respect and against violence.

If you want to stop violence against women, reach out to a boy in your life.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Be there. If it comes down to one thing you can do, this is it. Just being with boys is crucial. They might not say this directly, but boys want a positive male presence around them, even if few words are exchanged.
Know he’s watching you. He’s watching everything you say and do – your way of talking, your sense of humor, how you deal with stress, conflict and anger, and how you treat women. He takes cues from you, both good and bad.
Show respect. Make respect your way of dealing with people. Boys will learn what respect means by watching how you treat others. That means in traffic, in stores, in restaurants, on the basketball court, and around the dinner table.
Teach him about honor. Let him know from an early age that honor and integrity are marks of a great man. Tell him what they are, and that there is no honor or integrity in abusing women and girls.
Give him options. Share strategies for handling violent situations and staying safe. Tell him what he can do if he sees any signs of violence against girls or women.
Ask about his world. Find out who his role models are – sports figures, celebrities, or people in your neighborhood and community. Ask him who he respects and why. Let him know that people who disrespect women are not admirable and point him to men who are.
Listen. When he gets frustrated and mad, tell him he can walk it off or talk it out. Let him know he can come to you anytime he feels like things are getting out of hand.
Discuss the rules. Young people need to understand limits. Family rules and school rules about treating others with respect need to be talked about and reinforced. And when it comes time for dating, be sure he knows that treating girls with respect is important.
Remember, we all make mistakes. Boys (and parents) aren’t always perfect. The goal is to talk about learning from the past to make a better future.

TALK. TEACH. LISTEN. LEAD.

YOUR MESSAGE MATTERS

Boys are swamped with messages from TV, friends, school, the neighborhood, online, music, and movies. Everything they see and hear tell them what it means to “be a man” – that they have to be tough, be in control, or that they need to boss others around, including their girlfriends.

You can give positive messages – ones about respect, honor, and responsibility.

The benefits of investing time in boys’ lives and talking with them about violence are clear: they will know what is and is not okay in relationships with girls and women, and they will know they can come to you with problems and questions.

You can make a real difference in boys’ lives.

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To order additional copies of this brochure and other materials, visit www.opdv.state.ny.us.

LOGOS:

State of New York
David A. Paterson, Governor

Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence
Amy Barasch, Executive Director

www.opdv.state.ny.us
NYS Domestic & Sexual Violence Hotline:
1-800-942-6906
In NYC, call 311

Family Violence Prevention Fund
www.endabuse.org

Ad Council

Waitt Institute for Violence Prevention